Life full with colours

2010-08-19T00:17:00.000-07:00

hello hello hello.. how long has it been.. weeks? months? years?

how's life? it is/was driving along bumpy road over and over again.

how's Brunei? not bad after all..still it takes time.. but how i wish i can spent just a little bit more in Perth.

why am i blogging? i might be bored. i can't remember how on earth this thing work.
anyone..how can i change the layout of this blog?

you, i miss you over there. hope you are doing just fine. you know i am trying my best to be there for you but most importantly..you know how much i love you. only you baby.

ok. can i stop blogging for today?

2009-09-25T02:13:00.000-07:00

i wish i can be just like the wind. can't be seen, touch but only feel. i wish for lots of things. sometimes at night, i had this fantasy going on in my head. fantasy like..everyone are happy..INCLUDING ME..no one will get hurt, no one will get to die in a painful way..just laughter.

day by day, nothing gets any clear in this world. wars are everywhere. shooting and bombing going on. does it feels good to see someone else is in pain? bleeding, crying and all. does it feels nice when seeing that person lost everything he/she has in life. does any human out there have a heart? is this the future?

i might not get what i want, but can't i at least be happy? happy as in, nothing is bothering me. i wonder if you really look in me like i am trying to look in you. i know no one is perfect. neither do i. but can't we at least try to be the best ? time goes on,i walked here and there just to find the missing part that i need to complete me. do i have to beg for it? do i have to cry for it ? do i have to give up my life to have it? tell me what is the least possible thing i can do to get it.

i thought feeling and going through all this pain will be over soon..but i guess it gets worse.. i cant even imagine how things will be tomorrow. take a look around you, do you like what you see? if you don't i can take it all away and throw it far as i could so there is nothing left between us but love. i am still here. waiting for you to come home. it is hard for me to let everything go after all we had been through. i can't walk out of your life, but there is nothing much that can make me stay too. where did all those things we had done before gone to? can't it find it way back?

now i am really scare. only god knows how scare i am right now. i am sorry if saying i need you makes u suffer everyday. i am sorry if needing you can't let you have your time with them. i am sorry if needing you can't make you happy. i am sorry for asking and waiting for your love from time to time. i am sorry for waiting for you to really look at me this time. i am sorry if i pushed you before and now. i am sorry if i fucked things up. i am sorry if i am not good enough. because i am fucked up already. i am sorry can't be the person you want me to be.

in pain.

2009-09-19T10:14:00.000-07:00

" Take me away to January I'm done with this year, I'm tired of everyone here I just need some time alone Before I'm ready to come back home There's gotta be something else out there for me I could feel it in my heart the day I started to dream There's more than this Midwestern town I can't let this place keep me down "

Tears of separation
a loss and total disconnection...

Tears of joy
elation and great happiness...

Tears of emotion
pride or sincere personal feelings...

Tears of pain
physical or sometimes worse, mental...

Tears of anger
being mad enough to kill, knowing better...

Tears of fear
uncertain and terrified of the unknown...

Tears of sadness
downcast and so very much alone...

Tears of regret
having said or done something to hurt...

Tears of depression
rejection and recrimination abound...

Tears of frustration
an inability to achieve the unattainable...

Tears of passion
only with intense love from another...

Now....
I just need to figure out why I cry these Tears...

i love you no matter what happens.

2009-09-18T17:36:00.000-07:00

Dear God, please give me love or let me be love.

2009-09-17T12:25:00.000-07:00

i am finally happy. well, i was happy before..but this one is different happy mode. baby was there for me every time i wake up now this past two days. *hint hint, i hope tomorrow too* i finally found my old baby back. yess HE IS BACK !! BACK BABY, BACK !!!

this week it is college week. like OO MMM GEEEE !! i hate walking up the hill. its been months i don't walk at the Perth college's hill. Buusssiiittt ~~~ and and..it is a sleepy week. too much information to get in the head. there is no limit or space for tomorrow i guess. seriously..its killing me..macam, mod 15 exam inda lagi batah zai..bila tah ko kan belajar...~~~~

other than that. today is the happiest day of the month. guess what? i got a surprised from my baby boo...yupp yuppp... *nodding my head*

its my ANNIVERSARY PRESENT !!!!

baby is the awesome boyfriend ever. he knows what kind of flower i love. which i never told him before ever in my life..most of all..he knows how to love me. ohh baby, i love you so so so so much !! you are the best gift i ever had in life..being with you is just THE BOOM !! you took away my darkness life, and bright it with colours. for that, i thank you. there is nothing or words to describe how much i really love you. i love you of who you are. i love your heart. let my heart love you more and more. i am sure i will never get bored of it. 8 months has past by, and i never get bored of it even for an inch. you are my world, you are my life. you are my everything. i am sure there are loads of happiness awaits for us in the future. and i am sure same goes to other people out there. have a wonderful time loving your partner. take as much time as you like. because i am having a great time loving a guy name Max.

happy monthsary baby.
you know i love you.
but do you know how much?
xoxoxo

2009-09-13T06:09:00.000-07:00

once upon a time, Perth Scotland has been hit by deadly news. Three species of animal has invaded Perth and to kill all the human in Perth..so god..please bless us all..

LOL..yes i am bored. i just got back from the city. actually the purpose of me going out were to check the no. 14 and 15 bus time table..AND went for skirts hunting. guess what ? i think Perth has ran out of skirts. meaning i arrived home with none amount of skirt. *moody* more to that..I FORGOT TO CHECK THE BUS TIME TABLE !!! ARRRRGGGGGHHHH !! seriously there is something wrong with my head nowadays. like this morning, when i had my shower..i rubbed my face soap onto my tooth brush..inda selahau mana tu..cuba tahh..

but the best part was..i had a really wonderful dinner with the guys in glasgow. there were lots of seafood..which is my top list of all time..and the rest were just normal chicken, beef and etc..the dessert were really WOW. i will bring boyfriend to the restaurant when he comes here. while waiting for the our reservation at 7.30 we walked along the streets of the city..now i feel glasgow is the best place for saturday night..too bad there wasn't any picture taken last night. i guess we were enjoying our time gossiping. HAHAHA.

after this i need to switch on my study mode..i HAVE too. i can't pamper myself alot. or else..i will turn into someone who i will regret for the rest of my life.
baby just woke up btw..ohhhh baby is having this football tournament..yup..he is my best player in the world..good luck later with ur final match baby !!! score for me..* i know you will *

anyway..i better get going..HAHAHA bukan apa..i don't have anything to share anymore at the moment..LOL..

love ya'll..
xoxo

i love you most baby.
4 more days and 17 more days.
i simply can't wait.

2009-09-11T07:18:00.000-07:00

why do i feel something is not right. something is kinda missing. or should i say something ain't normal like before. i don't know if it is me or...i feel like crying but i don't wanna cry anymore. i am just too tired and sick of it. i might just scream right now, but i don't want the people upstairs and downstairs thinking that i have mental problem. maybe i do right now. or maybe my heart is just ain't calm. all i know..things had change since 09/09/09. i wonder why..should i find the answer? act normal ? or ignore it like nothing is going on wrong? bahhh jawap.

but other than that,

i hope things will be back to normal sooner or later.

anyway, how was my day? SIMPLY BORING.
did fuel system test.
went through it.
went home.

2009-09-09T09:13:00.000-07:00

here i am..sitting infront of my laptop..baby is not around to welcome me home. sucks. he is busy with the brother punya wedding thing going on today. how i wish he can welcome me home by calling me. :( but naaaaaa i understand how this wedding busy thing going on. kan kan kan ?

i made mash potatoe. but for the first time ever. it is so not nyaman. i think i bought the wrong potatoes. buduh eyhhh. why am i so kusut right now. i wanna have my shower..but my ass is telling to me stay on this chair and stare on this laptop. browsing throung facebook, ebay, blogs, tv3 webiste and all..

and yeaaa parut ku mikin labu. damn

ohh well, revision night for me.
later then.
love you all.

baby i miss you loads !! :(

2009-09-03T14:27:00.000-07:00

just let me be...

.
.
.
.
.

but all i know..

hope you feel it over there my half.

2009-09-03T10:59:00.001-07:00

if i am not wrong, would i be right ? but if i am right, would i be wrong ?
i can't say more. i tried my best, but i ain't giving up yet.
i won't try it again now, maybe sooner or maybe later or maybe just maybe.
letting the heart to heal up, and one day..only scars will remain.
tears ? it's my hobby now.
laughter ? only when i am around with the guys and the moment with boyfriend.
hoping ? every single day wishing it to change. even if i die, the hope will remains hoping until it changes.
strength ? there is a limit.
study ? i am somewhere in the middle.
sadness ? is tears best friend.
joy and happiness ? is what i've been waiting for.

current mode ? sad and studying.

p/s : i just had the mood to update again. soooo suuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh

2009-09-03T09:30:00.000-07:00

lazy ramadhan. its getting really cold day by day now. all i can think of is BED BED BED BED..aaaaa..i just wish..anyhow..i was kinda jobless for 2 days..got work done pretty quickly..so why not play around with my toy..

i am sorry i don't have the mood to say more today. i am tired. maybe i laughed too much today with the guys.

goodnight then people.

i miss you baby.

2009-09-01T10:05:00.000-07:00

theirs' today moments with mummy. i wish i am there. i wish Brunei is close as Glasgow. * in tears typing all this * as i grew up, the stronger the love feeling i have for mummy. Happy birthday again mummy. May Allah bless you in anything you do. stop working so hard. Your health is much more important to you and us your children. and sorry for the late text mummy. you are the boom !!!

in those pictures are, my young brother Fadzul Illahi, my elder brother Hilmi@hill and all his beloved friends and and ofcourse mummy in the middle.

love you guys !!
&
I love you over there.

2009-08-31T23:47:00.000-07:00

Happy 45th Birthday Mummy !!! again, i can't be there to celebrate your birthday with you.
i really love you so much and i miss you like hell. may God bless you mummy. :/ you are the best mummy in the world.

here is something for you.

Today is another day in another year
Muma, I want to tell you how much I love you
I love you more than ever, believe me my dear

Your image from my mind will never smear
My love for you will flourish and accrue
Today is another day in another year

How could I not be affectionate and sincere?
Your love was so unconditional and true
I love you more than ever, believe me my dear

You consoled me, wiped many a tear
Your warmth healed me when I was ill and blue
Today is another day in another year

Your words of wisdom echoing loud and clear;
They guide me through and through
I love you more than ever, believe me my dear

I’m immersed deeply in sadness that you’re not here
For your devotion, from my heart I thank you
Today is another day in another year
I love you more than ever, believe me my dear.

i love you mummy.

p/s : i hope the present reaches home safely.

2009-08-31T13:50:00.000-07:00

what a day and what a night. Did more wire locking today, thank god we finished everything on the Gnome engine today. So by tomorrow, we will continue back with the CF6 engine where we left it. Wire locking is starting to get more fun and fun. I really had a bad cut today. deep on. i chaffed my upper finger * on the right hand to be exact * while i was trying to pull and tighten the wire in place. So not fun watching blood coming out from your body part. But it is worth to see you work done in a nice way.

and yes, i am not fasting today. Still having my PMS. I was about to fast though, guess not today. It don't feel good sometimes when i am not fasting and the others are.

* tummy ache *

ohh wait..how was the weather today ? it was CRAP !! i don't like it. baik pulang snow ni. iski pulang ku.

anyway, went home around 4 plus..then found out that the electric top-up finished. So i went out again into the rain then back home. Cooked dinner, had dinner, went for shower. Right after shower guess what ? I STUDIED !! finally !!! why ? because boyfriend was there to give me the study mood. checking me up from time to time. Actually i told him not to wait but he is kindo forcing himself to wait for me until i am done..

well i am done now with night study and i just took a peek on the webcam. my heart drops..

awwwwwwwwwwww sweet right..
love every inch about you.
30 more days.

anyhow, goodnight then. i am extremely tired.

2009-08-30T23:49:00.000-07:00

boyfriend just called to check up on me. since i can't really sleep last night. i got that massive headache which turns me into tears. kinda sucks, i know. other than that, i smile. because ? he woke up in the middle of the night, switched on the webcam and there i was, laying down like a dead corpse. he was really trying to make me smile and not to think about the pain. i found that gun thingy funny baby. hahaha. ohhh ohhhh i talked to lil soldier on the phone too. he really talked to me. like ba ba, maaa maaa and all those baby's language. he just learned how to walk..now..he SCREAMS if he doesn't get something he wants..

anyway..morning everyone..
i dream on going home last night. funny thing. i went home with boyfriend. lol.
ohh well..maybe one day.

2009-08-30T10:08:00.000-07:00

hows my day ? siuk berabis..feels like in heaven..nothing is bothering me..SO NOT !! ehem ehem..ohh well, not mentioning any here..what did i do the whole day? meng-ebay non stop..ohhhh ebay mood..please go away for now...you can come back when i am rich enough to buy anything i want from there..

..............................pleaaaaasssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...........................................................

i found this really really nice handbag..ohh no no no..not handbag..its HANDBAGS..with 's' at the end of the word..yup...seriously here..it is like, i am dying to get it..but boyfriend is reminding me not to spent so much..because i might get broke..but not broke as in no money at all..just simply broke..

i guess the more you get older, the more expensive your toys are..* i refer things like handbags, gadget or what as my 'toys' * ohhh wait...baby, how is my toy ? uhhhhhh again..boyfriend said i am fat..he didn't actually use the word FAT. but i get what he means. i got 4 weeks left to please him before he gets his ass here..added to that..we both love the word 'ass' geeeeeeee..i know you love me..

anyhow..i wanna raise my case..i love you more than you love me..nothing can go beyond that..i mean it..nothing..nothing..nothing..

YOU

&

will never let you go..

2009-08-29T12:51:00.000-07:00

hahahah baby said he wants to 'x-ray' his tickets again. he wants to really make it sure. wow. he is with his serious mode face again.

ok ok ok ok now i will really stop.

goodnight. miss everyone back home and in Oman.

muahhhhhhhhsssssss..

2009-08-29T12:39:00.000-07:00

no i can't stop yet.

i just started a conversation with him.

me : have you read my blog ?

him : about bbq and all

me : the new one

him : just now? no

me : ok. finished it then.

him : i will try to be quick

me : ok

now he is crossing his fingers which i pretty don't know why.
hehehe i find it fun right now sharing what i am up to right now.

sorry baby. i know you love me.

ok i will really stop now..

2009-08-29T12:19:00.001-07:00

i feel like blogging again today. why ? please don't ask me why. i just feel like it. currently i am listening songs from my iTunes, from one song to the other. eventhough it craps so much..i still tend to listen to it..over and over again. that pretty shows i am extremely bored..baby is on the other side of the webcam. i mean..over there..aaaaaa please just get what i mean..what i have in mind right now is 'when the heck am i going to study?' the thing is..i do wanna study..but..myself won't let me. how bullshit is that?

what takes him too long to get here :(
i need you my butterfly. *sounds gay to you?*

what makes me more upset right now, i can't stop eating. my habit is hunting me down again. muching non stop til i sleep. i am getting fat, seriously i am. my cheeks are like pig. the gravity pulls the cheeks down so much..

hmmmmmm i miss you. strangely..i miss arguing with you. because it helps me to understand you more. ohhhh baby is buying ticket right now.. jeng jeng jeng ~~~~ with his serious face..typing all the information in..going from one part to the other * he is actually doing it right now while i am typing this* now he wants to type more and more information in..wow..he can't even smile a bit by doing it..i guess he is serious..

i think i better stop.
love youhhh baby.

goodnight people.

2009-08-29T09:25:00.000-07:00

sorry for the lack update..i know i know..feels like forever that aku inda update this so called blog of mine..ohhh well..the good thing is..i didn't left it for month(s)..ohhh i am having the mood to upload pictures from July bbq at the guys house..was super great..you know what it means by great right ?? it's bbq CHICKENS !!!! ok..that is so lame..but anyhow..these are all the pictures i got..ohhhh yeaa...our garlic bread hangus..our salary were been cut by our boss Hamzi..ohhh well..

ok..bye bye July..

p/s : the great month of the year so far...talking about it...I LOVE MY ANNIVERSARY MOMENT WITH BOYFRIEND !! :))))

and hello August..the fasting month of course...nothing much happend tho...but all i can remember..i spent alot this month...seriously alot..from the clothes shopping at Dundee..wait..not just Dundee, Perth too. i seriously need to control it..but seems like i can't..i just can't..ohhh baby..here me out..i can't control it..and you know what i am up to next with this shopping level right? it's ONLINE shopping...ohh crap...mati ni cani ani..mati mati... !!! then the money drop to groceries shopping..most of the time too.. ( dalam hati, i need new fridge )

i can't wait for August and September to be over...so i can meet up with boyfriend in October..other than that..i will be having my exam in October too..so wish me luck !!! since Dee mentioned her wire locking has improved...nowadays..i love wire locking...i don't care if my finger got cut every where..i just love the feeling seeing my work got done pretty well..

anyhow..til here for now..hope to update it as soon as i can..IF i got something to share tho..IF...

love ya'll...

miss you boyfriend.

2009-08-15T01:45:00.000-07:00

how is me ? don't ask. all i need it LOVE. i feel like i am just being.......ALONE AGAIN...i will never know the meaning of true happiness until i have truly loved and been loved. i will never know the meaning of pain until i have lost it..

please hear me out..

i am sorry baby. for everything.
baby, i miss everything about you.
i love you yesterday, today, tomorrow and will always be.

2009-08-11T12:20:00.000-07:00

i wish you knew it.
i wish you see it.
i wish you felt it.
i wish you understand it.
i am tired.
i can't go no more.

hoping for a better day.

2009-08-08T01:25:00.000-07:00

as i promised on my second last post..that i will be uploading more pictures while i was in oman..last night i dream of going there again.. sigh :/ oh well..maybe next time..not to mention..i am bored right now..but i will go out later...SHOPPING !!!!! *is it?* lol..anyhow i miss u lil one and the big baby.. hope to see you soon..really soon...REALLY REALLY SOON..*majal*

bahh i am off to shower.

love you other half..

2009-08-01T08:35:00.000-07:00

happy birthday to c manis ku baby Liyana...yeaa goodbye 18th..and lets say hello to 19th...but but but don't don't ambil your lesen dulu aa if u love me that much..lol..kidding babe..i know i will be the last one to get it..so yeaaa be it zai..live with it..

and here to i would like to apologize for everything..sorry..i am truly am..aku tahu aku jahat..tapi kan i sayang you so much..bestie forever !!! may Allah bless you and semoga di panjang kan jodoh...ok whattt !!! lol...

but other than that...hope you had a blast on your birthday..sorry for the 'no' present from me...maybe next time when i get home..goodluck in everything you do...hope this new chapter life of yours will be much more better than before...may God always be on your side...

nothing much to say..no words to describe on how much i love and miss you so much !!!!..

and and..sorry by i didn't tell u i already arrived from Oman...i know i did promise you...but you know me...

bestfriend forever !!

2009-07-31T12:48:00.000-07:00

update !!!! here is an update..hehe sorry guys or ladies..it was a very hectic moment for me since the holiday started..then when i came back..i was really tired because i have class the next day..BUT..i am all well now..ok sudah...everything is back to normal for me..

so how was my holiday ? no no no..how was Oman ?
its been a blast..totally an amazing moment..can i come there again on december ? *hint hint*
the food was awesome..i learned so much about it..don't want to mention..but i gain so much weight since i am there..lucky Ramadhan is somewhere at the corner now...so i can do my diet-ing before baby comes here on October.. *diet ?? yeaaaa right he said* when i said be supportive..he will laughed back at me..ohhh well..that is one of the part i love about him..teasing me so much at times..

ohhh the best thing was..i got to meet the FAMILY !!!! his mummy is such a very nice mother..she got me a watch * what watch? a very special one* and 1001 night arabic lotion which is zaaa killerr...met the sisters..they are nice and polite..the brothers are nice...but i dont talk much with them except SMG and lil soldier...and and the maid is friendly too..

my activities in oman:
shopping, eating, paintball, bowling, swimming, eating, eating and eating non stop, floating on the lazy river being drifted away, beach, and 2 nights 3 days anniversary present at the most expensive ressort.

his mother book a ressort for me and him..it was for our ANNIVERSARY present..well at first..i didnt know it was a anniversary present..i thought we were just gonna stay there and have our own private time..BUT...i was suprised the whole 1st day with cakes, those stuff on the bed, roses around the bath tub and bed..roses on the dinner table at the hotel's restaurant. we both had our own private swimming pool and BEACH ~~ *the wave were really rough. i walked towards it..then he gets upset* i was just teasing you baby.

here are SOME of the pictures of our Anniversary moments during our stay at the ressort. * i don't want to post the other SOME* sorry, but hey..i need privacy too. :)

will update some other pictures some other day.

2009-07-09T12:28:00.000-07:00

another day has gone

yet you are not here with me

you never said goodbye

please come home soon

i am still here waiting

don't leave me here alone

:'(

2009-07-08T13:17:00.000-07:00

Assalamulaikum..

i am not suppose to feel like this..i mean this feeling i am feeling right now..now bit by bit..my mind is taking over it..some people say, eyes are blind..so you have to see it from the heart..but what if the heart is torn apart? i guess that is the moment you become blind and think things you are not suppose to think..but what if the things that you are thinking is true..but you are the only one who don't know the fact that it is true..well i don't want it to be true..it hurts so much when it is true..i don't want the head to operate like a turbine engine..with all those compressors, rotating around which are driven by the shaft from the turbine and combustion chambers with its thing working its system with all the flames and air and producing that massive thrust and feels like blowing your head off !!!!!!!!!!

what am i saying !!??!! why tears are rolling down my cheeks and and and non-stop !!!! and why the hell am i blogging this ??!!!

why can't i just roll myself back and forward on my bed and jump around like a happy girl with pink cute flower-butterfly ribbon on her head with lollipop in her hand ?

i feel like crying again. goodnight people.

and yes..i am a trainee aircraft engineer..that is why i mentioned all those compressor and whatsoever combustion chamber !! and don't ask why i mentioned it..because i don't even know myself !!!

p/s: dear god. please show me signs.

2009-07-07T14:21:00.000-07:00

I miss YOU one and ONLY Michael Jackson.

tears roll down my cheeks without realizing it. i had been watching the live memorial of MJ. every speech made the feeling of sorrow right through the heart. its time for him to be let go from all the pain and accuse that were made towards or against him. The very sad moment was when the time his daughter Paris Jackson spoke and burst into tears saying how great MJ was as both as a dad and a mother.

it is very very painful to feel how it is like to lose someone who is very very close to you. The person who raised you up, give you everything you need in term of shelter, education, clothes, toys and most importantly are ATTENTION and LOVE. The person name DAD. no matter how many people hate him, go against him, say stuffs about him or whatsoever situation.. he will always still be a DAD.

i miss you dad. may God bless you and may God bless you MJ.

2009-07-06T14:12:00.000-07:00

congrates to all my bestfriends, close friends and friends who had just got their UBD and ITB result..and to those who didn't get in..chin up everyone..this is not the end..maybe there is a more better way for you guys and ladies to reach that gold of life..i am not saying i had reach mine..but i am trying too..you guys and ladies should be proud that you had the courage and self-believe to go through all those nasty A'level exams..the most important thing..you all did your best..and even if you had failed..it is not wrong to try it again..

loads of love from me.

may god bless you all.

Assalamulaikum.

2009-07-05T16:12:00.000-07:00

i can't sleep.

i miss my baby boy.

he must be dreaming right now.

love love love love you pumpkin.

smooch smooch ~~

2009-07-05T11:23:00.000-07:00

i miss them so so so much. they are the most important people in my life. my backbone. my support. my love. my need. my life and they are my angels. Things would not be the same without them.

beloved mummy.

beloved little brother.
( adik aiman. i don't have your recent photo. so i choose the Hampshire school photo )

my big brother.

my love.

2009-07-05T11:01:00.000-07:00

Assalamulaikum..

hello people..seriously..i dont know what to blog actually..but the thing is..i don't wanna keep this blog been left out just like that..or just simply dead i should say..

ohhhhh to mummy, abg and abg pul..thank you so much for the makanan that you guys sent me..it feels like 'home' eating it..and mummy thank you so much for the raya clothes..

to the bf..thank you so much for your gift..love you so much..

but i am upset right now..what is it with this human and animal thing ? ohh well..

.
.
.
.
.

9 days to go baby !!

lil soldier..here i come ~~~

2009-06-21T05:55:00.000-07:00

i just realise..my english is getting so teruk..i bet now too..

what is happening ?!?!?!

2009-06-21T04:40:00.000-07:00

just woke up. and video call !!!! amal was away with her laptop..while baby was being so bitchy with me...thank you so much..well now..i am just listening to gossip you ladies are babbling...huhuhu boring ku waaaa !!! be..sakit telinga ku mendgr ko menaip aaa..hahahhaa..nahh beranti tia yaaa..pham kali yaaa...

and now amal is telling me why she is fat..she is eating jobliee everyday..WTH !!

jogging !!! huhuhuh...

2009-06-16T04:08:00.000-07:00

i am jobless. tonnes to revise for this friday exam. dum dum dum shakala shakala babeh !! ~~ lapar ku. saja mahu update.

love you.

2009-06-13T14:32:00.000-07:00

damn.. i just have to agree with you on this. yes this is what happen when anger strikes all in a sudden. like..macam macam will be in you head. other than that..

" STUPID is KAU, BODOH is YOU !! "

wow..i love it. nyaman rasa nya hati.

la la la la can't wait for July.

2009-06-13T04:14:00.000-07:00

i woke up, checked some mails, had shower then it was strawberry dip with double cream time. yum yum. this is how i look when it comes to eating strawberry. ohh damn right i am in my mood after eating it. so who ever is planing to ruin my day. you better take on step backward and BACK OFF !! =) ohh well..i love strawberry.

2009-06-12T12:29:00.000-07:00

been listening to this song over and over again this past few days. i guess i am addicted to it since it really suit my mood at this very moment. posting it, just because i wanna share ya' all..

Taking back my love - Enrique Iglesias ft ciara

Go ahead just leave,
Can't hold you,
You're free
Here, take all these things,
If they mean so much to you
I gave you your dreams
'Cause you meant the world
So did I deserve
To be left here hurt?

You think I don't know
(uh huh)
You're out of control
(uh huh)
And then I'm finding all of this from my boys
Girl, you're stone cold
(uh huh)
You say it ain't so
(uh huh)
You already know I'm not attached to material

I'll give it all up, but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love
I've given you too much, but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love
My love.

Yeah
What did I do but give love to you?
I'm just confused as I stand here and look at you
From head to feet
All that's not me
Go 'head, keep the keys
That's not what I need from you

You think that you know
(I do)
You've made yourself cold
(Oh, yeah)
How could you believe them over me?
I'm your girl
You're out of control
(So what?)
How could you let go?
(Oh, yeah)
Don't you know I'm not attached to material?

I'll give it all up, but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love
I've given you too much, but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love

I'll give it all up, but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love
I've given you too much, but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love

So all this love I gave you, take it away
(Uh, uh huh)
You think material's the reason I came
(Uh, uh huh)
If I had nothing would you want me to say
(Uh, uh huh)
You keep your money, take it all away

I'll give it all up, but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love
I've given you too much, but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love

I'll give it all up, but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love
I've given you too much, but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love

I'll give it all up, but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, I'm takin' back my love
I've given you too much, but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love, my love, my love, my love

Ooh, my love
Ooh, my love

2009-06-11T06:16:00.000-07:00

yeeepeeeee... !! ok..i am really bored at the moment..but for the info..i am not happy..i repeat..i am not in my happy mode..anymore yelling anyone ?? anymore harsh words ?? i am sure i still can take it..i was flicking through my notes today..trying to get the revision mode on me..but yeaa..it's building up..and i found lots of memories written on my notes...funny one should i say..and LAME too !! lol...one of it was super duper lame..this is how it goes..

everytime i keep my eyes off you,
i want to see you more.
everytime i try not to ask 'how are you',
i care about you more.
everytime i warm myself with blanket,
i need your warm hug more.
everytime i hold my hands together,
i want to hold your hand more.
everytime i try to fight this feeling,
i miss you more.
everytime i try to hate you,
i love you more.
everytimr i try to avoid you,
i want to be with you more.

see it is super lame.

2009-06-10T12:47:00.000-07:00

The day i had smile on my face right before fever strikes me..
i am being really lazy. everything started to hurt. here and there. i miss you pumpkin..i wish you are here for me. i just can't wait to see you again. soon.

anyhow..sorry for making this blog dead. i don't know what to blog and now i don't even know what to say more. i am still weak. i need meat !! other than that, i need to push myself to study. exam is just right at the corner..uhh can't wait for holiday..*heaven* ohh yeaaa.. i am a b1..NOT a b2..

la la la la la la la la.

i miss lil soldier. and to you abg..where is my stuff ?? *sigh*

love you over there.

happy 20th birthday to me.

2009-05-28T10:16:00.001-07:00

The moment when your life had completely turn upside down

i need a break from this

exam is coming again

wish me luck !!!

because i really need one.

2009-05-25T11:30:00.000-07:00

heyyy peeps..turn on your singing mode..

happy birthday to you ~~
happy birthday to you ~~
happy birthday to dee ~~
happy birthday to you ~~

no presents and no cakes from me at the moment. BUT for sure there is love from me to you.
bahhh i owe u cakes and present...tagih saja when i get back. we might go to singpore to get it !! sounds cool to me. don't you think?

happy birthday babe. may Allah bless you. di murahkan rezeki and all. and and..what did you wish for? let me guess..mahu kawin eyyy..lol..

love you !!! *hug*

2009-05-21T10:45:00.000-07:00

why is it so hard to forget things when you really really wanna forget it? why does it have to bother you everyday, anytime or anywhere ?

why do you have to shed tears for someone who does not appreciate you? why do you have to care for someone who does not care for you?

why life can't be easy just for a few moment? why do you have to fake those smiles when the truth you are in pain right at the heart?

why do you have to lie to know the truth? why do you speak the truth but you knew it was a lie? why do you have to give up when you knew you can win it?

why can't you understand? why can't you just listen? why can you just be there for him/her even for a few moment? why can't you wipe his/her tears?

why can't everything just stop?

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what am i babbling about? :/

you over there. yes i miss you.

2009-05-16T14:10:00.001-07:00

what a night it was for us. i love you more each day. i never had enough with your love before and now. i will never give up on you. no matter how much tears i cried for you, it will never be the end of us. i realize, the more i cry for you..the more i love you and the more i want you to be mine. we fight, we have our ups and downs but the phrase i am giving up on you never exist in me and you knew i never or wanting to say it to you. i promise you that. you gave me something that i never had before. u made me feel alive, in pieces and hope for the days ahead. i never thought that i will have someone which is so true like you in this life on mine. well you scares me alright at times and i never say a NO to give it a try. i never have the thought of ending this relationship because you complete me. you are my need in life. you are my backbone when i am down with things. you always tell me everything will be alright when i comes to the rough time. you made me believe in this relationship and i so can't wait for the days, months and years ahead of us. you are just simply the one my love. i want you, i need you, i feel you but most of all..i want to love you more..

happy Monthsary baby..

i miss you. you are my only hope.
here to be your only yours.
and and so what if i am being so deep with this post. i am truly in love. have you been in one ? i hope so. then you'll understand.

2009-05-09T13:19:00.000-07:00

i am dead bored. here me out again. I AM BORED. the weather sucks pretty bad this whole week. during morning it is like HEAVEN.. bright-sunny sun and it is a good mood for me to start my day with big geeky-nutty smile on my face. BUT, once it reaches midday..it turns out to be really windy. WINDY BABY !! you could hear the hustling wind from inside..and it never stop raining. NEVER :( . where the heck did the summer gone to ? YOU !! don't hide the sun..i had enough with this freezing shitty days. i need sun. bright round sun. i wanna lay down on my back on the grass and feel the sun shining down on me. awwwww. i wish. i am not excited to check the weather forecast for tomorrow. i will just die on this bed until the sun rises. will i ? i guess not.

wow. i just talked about how shit the weather was. what am i babbling.

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damn it. i admit. I MISS YOU !! i can't denied it. you make me think of you everyday and night. arrgghhh. yess i know you wanna read this phrase again. I MISS YOU. baby please come back :'(
my days are no longer the same without you by my side. i only had the bunny around to be with. i feel like a dead corpse. walking and learning about aircraft engineering in Perth College.

aaaaaaaaaa. i hate flu. my nose likely to turn red. really red. well to be exact, blushing red. yes on the nose. no longer blushing cheeks. i feel like a clown. :( SO NOT swine flu though. nazubillah. just a normal one. i guess it is due to the weather. it shines for few moments, then it rains. then it shines again. then it rains again. headache. uhhhh talking about headache. my baby got this massive headache which really kills him. he said it is because he is not use to wear those turban. yes, my baby is wearing a turban sometimes. you got problem with that ? lol. kidding. well the wearing the turban part is true though.

*sniff sniff. runny nose*

uhh wanna know what i did again today ? i cleaned the kitchen, toilet and the hall way. aaaa haaa. i am being a good girl today. but before that, i went shopping. gilaa..siuk shopping ani..i shop for the cleaning stuff. aaahhh the house feels fresh and it smells nice too. and more to that. Nur Zaidah Binti Gani did some revision on her module 6 * Material and Hardware * exam is like still way ahead. to me it is not. so what if i wanna be the geeky girl of the day. i got hundreds of pages to revise. i know i can do it. if they can, why can't i. right right right ? boleh belah la engkau..

* sniff sniff *

urrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhh i am missing you more.

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la la la la la di dam di du di dam di du
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mummy, happy mother's day. you are the greatest mom in the world. without you. i wouldn't be in this world. thank you so much for raising me up in this way. you sacrified alot for me, abang and adek aiman. you been through the ups and downs and yet you never give up. and one more thing, thank you so much for being so supportive in everything i do, including the green light thing in the relationship. lol. *malu-malu* i love you so much more than words can tell.

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and to you my lil boyfriend. happy 1st birthday to you. i know i never say this to you. but i love you som much. you made me fall in love with YOU. aawwwww i want that sexy eyes of yours. your eyes simply kills me. wait wait. baby, i am not cheating on you. i am just having a slight affair with little soldier. and by the way, he never was and is a soldier to me and don't make him one. lil one, you are adorable. * come here. let me bite those cheeks of yours * i am in love..with you ~~~ * singing mode *

happy birthday to you.
happy birthday to you.
happy birthday to lil soldier.
happy birthday to you.

you might not be able to read this, since you still speak baby language. but i know your brother will.and he will tell you all about it. and you over there. you better get him something. ohh yeaaa..what happened to the lil teddy bear ? did he do stunts on it ? i hope not.

anyhow. i am off to bed. much love.
his princess.

2009-05-06T08:47:00.000-07:00

Happy Belated 20th Birthday BFF Amal @ Luh

sorry for the delay update. i know i should post this on the day of your birthday. but too bad. i was so so so busy sleeping and being so damn lazy. actually, im ill. hahahha. get well soon zai.

*having a running nose*

anyway. may Allah Bless you in everything you do. i just wanna make it simple darl. hope you dont mind. You know how much i love you and missed you from past, now and then.

la la la la la. xoxo. Hug !! big warm one !!

2009-04-29T10:23:00.000-07:00

update update update update !!! ok. let me make it simple. i ain't gonna do story telling here. but i will present you ladies and guys with pictures. yessss..my super BBQ pictures and Aces 26's 10th monthsary in Perth.

Venue: Dunkeld Road.
Time: Lunch
Theme: Formal clothes ( yeaaa rigght to some of us !! )

my sleepy head..i miss you !!

2009-04-25T15:00:00.000-07:00

i've been doing some reading on peoples' blog * being so jobless here. what a very lazy weekend i am having this week* anyway, back to the point..most of them are trying to share something which they can't express verbaly..they wanna share what is inside the heart and the mind..different people have different personality to live their life..and every one of us should appreciate and respect each individual's life..i admit..my weakness is how to express what is inside my heart..but not whats in my head..

people tend to share their love life and how they live their life from day to day..how depress or happy they are..i guess being in your any age, you likey want to know how it feel to be in love and be love..some tend to move on after being in a relationship..some are in the middle of pain..some just started their relationship..some are confuse..some like being super duper single..some are in between of two..where as..some tend to think they don't need love..their jobs has made them happy than anything else..living the life of your own dream would be the greatest thing that would happen in your life..

but dont you ever wonder..the things that had happened in your life? have you ever come across something that you don't ever wanna lose in life..but still you are losing it even tho you had tried your best to save them??..

i guess this is life..we meant to live the life..not to make it more complicated as its already is..the world is rotating in one complete circle every 12 hours..the day begin with a sun rise and ends with a sun set..time goes by..people comes and goes..BUT life?? you are only given to live once in your life..no second nor third..what i am trying to say here is..try to make every single day of your life as memorable and quality as you could..you won't be able to know when is it going to be for you to breathe for the last time..or when you will not see that person anymore...

here is the thing ... that's what this is all is about. it is like a market. buy and sell. you give and you get something in return. don't worry if there's nobody in sight who has exactly what you pursue. don't worry if you have a lot to give, and nobody around to accept it. because at the end of the day, there will be someone who will take what you can offer..

move on with life..don't cry because it is over..smile because it happened..

i miss being around you both..Al-fatihah..

2009-04-25T05:00:00.000-07:00

mummy in action trying to kiss me.

mummy, my eldest bro and i.

aaaaaaaaaaaa miss you all !!!! thank you for you time mummy !! and to my eldest bro..thank you to you too !!!! i love you all so so so so much !!! *hilang jua stress and rindu when i saw kamu* but still i am missing Adek Aiman so much ~~~~ you don't love kaka anymore ?? where have you been little one ?? quit with the sports and activities..your olevel exam is coming up..

mummy..eat healthy food baaaa..please....

and abg..stop being bitchy..muahaha..

and to you over there..lalalalalala *pinch ur ass and run away*

2009-04-24T13:50:00.000-07:00

sure did it scares the hell out of me
but,
missing the Alien voice all in a sudden

2009-04-22T04:15:00.000-07:00

how was the exam papers ?? aaaa the essay was FINE !! BUT THE MCQ IS EFFING KILLING ME LIKE HELL !!! now i am really hoping for miracle here..LIKE SERIOUSLY !!! i still need to get this MOD 10 out of my head..i need to focus on my upcoming exam this Friday. shitty shit it is playing in my mind !! aaaaaaaa i feel like jumping from a building..i felt something is squeezing inside me..the chest hurts..the head is going insane and my heart kept on telling me that i will fail my mcq ~~

` please tell me i am wrong about failing the mod 10
`i need comfort
`baby i need you

2009-04-21T05:34:00.000-07:00

yesss this is how i look at this very moment. stress myself right?? i am at the library doing my module 10 revision which i will be sitting for it tomorrow morning !!! aaaaaaa seriously i still need time..i kept on saying ' i need time' lalalalalalala time goes so fast..i am still racing with time..i ain't not gonna give up * motivating myself here*

i am taking break in between here. so i won't go nuts on it..i am here with Ming, Amin, Shar and Karusa * i hope i spell you name correctly here* hahah sorry dude if i am wrong.. i guess i will be staying here for a very long long i repeat ..looooooonnnnggggg time...

i need miracle baby.

i miss you sleepy head.

2009-04-20T10:29:00.000-07:00

at this very moment..i feel like i wanna scream really really damn loud !!! i am taking break in between my revision at the moment.. !!!! arrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhh so so so really hate Air legislation !!!!! i can't wait for this to be over !!! over with MOD 10 !!!!

lalalalalalalalalala i am jumping up and down on my bed just a moment ago..i feel like a dead shitty shit right now..i really cried because i am lost all in a sudden !! KENAPA ?!?! what is wrong with my head..

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ok..take a deep breath Zai..give yourself a break for few minutes..
WHAT?? few minutes ?? i don't have much time here..
aiyai aiyai..

back to digging up the notes !!!!

for the person over there, i love you baby.

2009-04-17T10:02:00.000-07:00

The spell has been broken and now i am set free to the world of my own. So hear me loneliness..i am going to give up on you. From this time of moment, i don't need you anymore. For the emptyness..i have no room of space for you anymore too. Yes i admit..before i was lost, things were broken into pieces, mess was everywhere..i can't even make my own decision at times. Until that day, now i know what my life is all about because i've found something what i am looking for. What is it ? let is just be me who knows it. It's time for me to cherish the life i have now and wash away all those shitty thing. lets race against the time.

but i ain't saying life will be much easier this time..i wouldn't know what are lays ahead waiting for me to fetch it up..to the darkness, it is time for you to stay away..

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baby..
happy third monthsary baby !!
with load and load of love for you my only guy !!
thank you for everything..
you complete me..
what else could makes happy other than you..
you are the beat
you are the life.
love you more each day.

lalalalala i know you love your burger chubby cheeky princess too..

2009-04-13T06:19:00.000-07:00

he left. he finally left. it was his last visit here during the weekend. the weekend had been a blast. i enjoyed ever single moment of it. from the morning til night. going from one place to the other. but sadly we didn't have the chance to watch movie, due to some circumstances but other than that he has been great, caring and lovable ! my other half is awesome !

i was crying the whole time last night. he tired my best to shut me up. haha. and yeaa it did worked. hehe. Then i promised myself not to cry today. but fugg it ! i did. i think he knew i am gonna cry. and maybe that is why he is trying to cheer me up by telling me his stories. funny tho. no doubt about that. haha but still there were tears. letting his hands go was the hardest thing for me to do. seeing him getting onto the train made the pinching feeling right on the heart. and waving him goodbye was so not the easy part. and yet he still doesn't give up to make all those funny faces from the train's window. i laughed but at the same time, tears were rolling down my burger chubby cheeks.

i walked myself home with more and more tears. once i entered my room. all i could felt was emptyness. i went out to get myself panadol since i am sick. went into the room and off i was to bed. he texted me in the middle of my sleep. i woke up and cried even more. then he told me, i can't be like this. i need to get myself back together. live the life i have now and have fun and enjoy every single moment of it like how i enjoyed myself when he was around.

i started to clean up my room, haha and yes..another tears. shoot me baby. i already miss you messing up my room with all your stuffs. and i still can imagine how crowded it was. ohh damn it, i am just not ready to let you leave yet.

for those who are wondering why i am not in college today, i am fine here. just need to built up that spirit back so that i can dig more into those notes and prepare for the exam.

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and as i promised to my best friend Amal. here are some of the pictures woman. but i did not do all the snapshot thingy on the stuff. i am still down bestfy. maybe next time.

p/s: thank you baby for everything !! i hope you like all the things i bought for you too. i love you.

2009-04-12T11:40:00.000-07:00

sorry with the 'no update'

been busy here with this and that.

will update soon !!!!

i've been having a great weekend.

thats all i can share right now.

and and..some of my wishlist for the birthday are partly fulfill now !!!

thanx to you my baby.

you are awesome !! and i love you so !!

will post with pictures next time.

so till then. tata.

2009-04-08T07:08:00.000-07:00

i didn't go to college today. why ?? my head hurts..berabisly !! i couldn't sleep last night..like everything was in my mind..my head was like a coal mine thingy !! urrrgghhhh..the worst part again is..right now..my eyes hurts..i hope i ain't getting any eyes infection around here..the sun is too bright...even though i wore my sunglass..still its killing the eyes !! baby, i misplace the eye-mo that u bought me last time =( ..

but

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even though i am feeling a little bit shitty right now with the health and all..it didn't stop me from going out and SHOOOOPPPPP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! muahahaha..i went shopping around the City for about nearly 3 hours..i went from one store to the other..it's been a while i didn't go to the City..* yeahhh right zai * no no no no no wait..the reason i went out is not for shopping really..i was just walking around burning all these fats on me !! seriously !! but still i did shop !!! i know..i am a shopaholic..i just can't help it.. sorry mummy..i know you lately you were checking out my blog..with all the birthday wishlist that i want..hehe..well..you know me..and and i know you love me..hahaha..

anyway..today..i bought two new toys !! or babies i called it..i just bought it randomly..which i don't know why..so yeaaa..whatever zai..

la la la la la la la..

2009-04-07T01:05:00.000-07:00

gosh..i am ill right now..i went to the fun fair last night..and it kinda rain heavily..i went on rides which made me feel like wanna puke..seriously until now i am still feeling that dizzy-zzz..later that night we as in me, minzay and naeym went to city buffet for the late dinner..*isi beladar masing2* ..right after dinner i went to Methven and chilled with the guys..hahah i was having that big laugh of mine all night long with the guys..once in a while..why not right..it was a de-stressing night u called it. but hey..it was fun..thanx guys !!! love you guys..

and and one more thing. i mentioned that Dee and i went crazy on those puma stuffs over the net right ?? the worst thing was..we were did just went crazy..we were like insane ? believe this or not..since we were so obsess with this puma thingy..we actually did little research who is the owner of the puma thingy..haha dee said who knows we can tackle them..hahah then she found out the owner is old..as in OLD !! no no no..yet we didn't gave up..we searched again whether he has a son or not..haha..*sanggup tani aa dee*

ohh yeaa..to those whom are wondering who the heck is dee that zai's keep on babbling about..

this is Dee.
she looks girlish or etc. but you won't know what she is capable of. like seriously !!
hehe. other than that..uhhhh sheeee isssss soooo sweeeeeeeeeettttttttt !!!!!!
sayang dee !!!

p/s: dee sorry..i took your picture from your blog without asking for permission first. harkakhah.. hope you won't mind babe. bahhhhh .. next date bila ?

2009-04-05T09:01:00.000-07:00

how is my day so far ?? is had been great..i chatted with so many people all at once..since my other half was asleep..harharhar..so why not right ?? anyway..me and dee went crazy about stuffs today..especially stuffs which has something to do with SHOPPING !! urrrghhh seriously..i can't wait to go home and shop shop shop..with dee..we are kinda alike when it comes to shopping..and food at some point..sabar dee..nanti ada your dengan ni..soon..muahaha..so i kinda did some site browsing while i was chatting with dee, my bff amal, keedon and my baby ( whom was asleep ). and and i think i kinda did some of my birthday wishlist that i want for this year. i only did some, NOT ALL YET. if i don't get all, some would be ok..at least SOME..not ONE..keep that in mind..

so here it goes..

GADGET.

FROM THE PUMA STORE.
dee wants some of these too. with different colours of course.

FROM ACCESORIZE

FROM LV !!! IS A MUST !!

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then right after a conversation with Dee..my BFF Amal appear. hahah girl i miss you. as usual..sunday gossip and all with the stupid faces of ours..ohh yeaaa..we shareed alot today..hahaha hush hush !! gagagag we were so pacah girl..you and my friend dee took all those stress away..thank you so much..so next date ?? can't wait girl..love you my lesbo partner !! haha..

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so there, amal left because i told her i wanna do the pictures-cropping thingy..and all in a sudden..keedon texted me through msn..saying that he miss seeing me and all !! aaaa grow up man..you left me..and that was few years ago..deal with it dude..don't regret on anything that you had done. you are nice to me after we broke up..and we manage to become friends..but telling me you miss me like what you did today ??..no no no no..move on..when you left me..and i did move on..anyway you already got her..soo be happy about it. what ever she got..i am sure it is more than enough for you. goodluck.

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last but not least..my baby finally woke up !!! and here i am blogging while you are doing something else with you laptop..F1 i bet ? orrrrrrr.. mmmmm..i am not sure. miss you !! i know i can just easily tell you this right now through this video call..but no, i wanna say it here. i miss you. i really do.

xoxo love you !!

enough for today ? i guess so..

2009-04-04T13:13:00.000-07:00

i wanted you- Ina

Lately I've been thinking 'bout what i can do
I've been stressing to fall back in love with you
I'm so sorry that I couldn't follow through
But I can't go on this way
I've got to stop it babe
You've been wonderful in all that you can be
But it hurts when you say that you understand me
So believe me I, I am sorry I.. I am sorry I, I

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I love
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you

I've been pushing hard to open up the door
Trying to take us back to where we were before
But I'm done I just can't do this anymore
Cause we can't be mended
So let's stop pretending now
We've been walking round in circles for some time
And I think we should head for the finish line
So believe me I, I am sorry I.. I am sorry I, I

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I love
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you, yeah

I, I I'm so sorry baby but
I, I I've got to pack up and leave but
I, I'll always remember how we came close to be
And what I wanted to be
I wanted you baby
Oooooh Yeahh
I wanted you
I wanted, I wanted you

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I love
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you
I.. I wanted you, I wanted you

2009-04-03T12:53:00.000-07:00

as i mentioned on my previous post, i WILL post pictures right? hehe so here i am. with PICTURES. i went to Edinburgh for a weekend-holiday you called it with my so called other half. had fun really..although i complained so much of how tired i was and how badly i wanna go to bed and how much i need to prepare myself for Monday class with Mike Haufe. so yeeaa i kinda ruined the holzz mood actually. sorry baby. i know i am bad. but i know u'll always love me.

so i am kinda being so lazy right now to say more. enough said from me i guess? sorry. maybe next time i tend to post something much more longer like i used to before.

p/s: thank you for the relax weekend baby. where up to next =D ??

2009-03-29T13:50:00.000-07:00

no update for the moment.
but i will try to update soon.
maybe with pictures.

back to la la la la la.

2009-03-22T12:57:00.000-07:00

i have this close friend. The one who is currently in Brunei. i am not sure why things between us kinda change now..i am not the only one who is feeling this, but there are some people who does too. why ?? is it because someone had taken my or our space in your daily routine life now? it is not wrong to make friends. but please my dear friend, i am or we are your friends too. i am not mad or what here..maybe i am just a little bit upset right now. i was searching for you everyday in MSN..then when i text you..no comment..all i wanna say now is..I MISS YOU SO MUCH..

A friend is like a flower,
a rose to be exact,
Or maybe like a brand new gate
that never comes unlatched.
A friend is like an owl,
both beautiful and wise.
Or perhaps a friend is like a ghost,
whose spirit never dies.
A friend is like a heart that goes
strong until the end.
Where would we be in this world
if we didn't have a friend.

2009-03-22T11:03:00.000-07:00

The City where i grew up as a teenager
Location : Norfolk Crescent, Edgware Road.

highlight of the day.

woke up.
had breakfast.
went out.
had lunch.
went out again with my brother and eza.
another lunch meal again.
lastly, me shopping alone in Oxford Street and all the way.

used to be my house.

enough said. i need to pack.

2009-03-22T03:17:00.000-07:00

I NEED TO SHOP !!!!!!!

=))))

2009-03-21T17:10:00.000-07:00

mummy..i love you so much..you are the best ever mummy in the whole wide world..you taught me how to become a better person in life..i never forget the things that you did for me since i was borned..you made me the way i am today. thank you for being so supportive in what i do, who i want to be with and who i want to become as a person..no matter what happen i will always love you mummy !! sorry we can't celebrate mothers day together, but remember..you will always be in my mind..and and..sorry no present this year from me..maybe once i get home i'll buy you something really awesome..but for now..prayer is the only thing i can do..

muahhhsss..

happy mothers day to all mothers in the world..you women rock your kids life so much with full of colours of happiness..

enough said. bed time.

2009-03-21T07:53:00.001-07:00

London is so so so so siuk !!!! yesterday i arrived here..king cross's station was really really REALLY crowded !! i felt like i was being squashed up by lots of tall people..and and the underground tube stinks so much !! anyhow i arrived at the house then FEW MINUTES after that i went out with my brother, his wife, his wife's brother..*i think..* and the wife guy friend..

its been a while haven't been in a car ride..it is even a DIPLOMATIC car lagi..gosh..i miss being driven by a driver in a diplomatic car. talking about car..its a Mercedez car yoo !! the big new four wheel drive merce..

anyway..yesterday we went to ikea then to loog fung *correct me if the name is wrong* then had ice cream..then had late dinner at Thai's restaurant..since i mentioned about the restaurant..the location of the restaurant is very scary..like a hooker street..*being serious here* hehe..but other than that..the food was super duper yummy yummy..

that was yesterday..now what had happened so far ??
for the first time ever since i got here, i woke up at 4.30 in the morning..we went to this market called Billgate Market..who ever had been there..i am sure you guys had fun too..because i enjoyed mine so much. sadly..i didn't have the chance to take pictures. .......Then went home around 6 something and found my baby was on MSN..so yeaa..webcaming session before he left for Mar.

i fell asleep soon after that..then he woke me up telling me that he was about to leave for Mar. stupidly ME..i turned out to be upset. i guess i need more sleep..deep sleep~~~
woke up around 12, had my miday shower..then i found lunch was being served !!!!! how lucky am i..

i guess i write so much..let the pictures do the other half now.

My brother's apartment.

Loog Fung ??

bro and his wife with their fellow friend.
shopping for raw food eyyy ??

today's Lunch
yummy !!
Thanks for cooking.

crab being cook with chili.

errrr Vege soup??

mmmmm...kinda like Tom Yam.

another dish of crab being cook with curry.

ohhhh yeaa..i am home alone now. my sis is being rushed to the Hospital just moment ago. Her water broke !!! yay !!! meaning new born niece or nephew ?? i bet it is a girl..hehe..
i am sure my brother is really excited right now. it is his first baby.

p/s: miss you baby.

enough said. i love you too.

2009-03-19T09:36:00.000-07:00

The day meant to be meant to be mine ?? why not right ...at least i am trying to cheer up my day here and finally i smiled..like REALLY smile..meaning it is true..THE DAY IS MEANT TO BE MINE !!.. *apakan aku ahh* ........ i over cried last night, SERIOUSLY OVER CRIED !! my eyes hurts so much till morning..and and my head went asdfghjkl......CRAZY !!!! i wonder how can i express how CRAZY my head was =/ hmmmmm.. it was some mixture of roller coaster ride, cyclone, huge wave impact, coal mine in operation, stabbing and hammering every inch of the brain.. WOW !! i guess i was really crazy last night alone in the room..but sweetly, the princess fell asleep..IN DEEP SLEEP !! REALLY DEEP DOWN TO THE CORE !! WAAHH !! * i did sleep well last night and thanks to the panda eyes the next morning*

wait..slow down babe..i can't believe this..i meant to be on hiatus at the moment but what the heck..here i am updating my precious dearly so-called blog..with big crazy-nerdy-nuts smile on my face at times..HELL YEAH I AM NUTS !!

this is me last nigh in the shower.

ohhhhh one more thing..i wanna go to France really deeply badly dooooo =( mahu so much to go bahhhh..=( anyone ??

i think i should let that out of my mind at the moment..because guess what ?? I WILL BE ON MY WAY TO LONDON TOMORROW MORNING !!! here i come abg and kaka !! it's been a while guys..and and i missed your wedding last year since i was in Perth.. well get ready to be annoy by me soon..REALLY SOON !!

anddd yeaaahhhh to the guys team 777 and 787 representing Perth Scotland and RBA..good luck with the tournament guys !! lets kick ass !! hehehe and to the ladies..*cheers leader* have fun..well i am sure u ladies will do.. and who ever are going to Notts for the Easter game..have a wonderful time !!!

last but not least..

Happy second monthsary baby.
i love you more each day.
i miss you more than you know it.
i need you.
i want you.
&
thank you for everything.
xoxo

p/s: i am still missing you even though..we are on webcam right now..hehe..

2009-03-16T10:35:00.000-07:00

sorry for the lack of updates.
honestly speaking. i am so not in my mood since yesterday.
i am not used to this.
seriously, i just don't know what to say or share.

i feel like i want to shout out loud.
kick or punching something.
run as fast as i could.
climb the highest mountain and jump off.

i need time again.

on hiatus~~~~

.............................................................................................................

p/s: thanx for the shirt baby. so loving it.

miss u my other half.

2009-03-08T00:58:00.000-08:00

i am being jobless again today. i am suppose to do my revision last night but i ended up watching MOVIES till i fell asleep. to you my baby, i am sorry. i know i told you i will study after movie not MOVIES. i guess i am just being lazy here at the moment. *no pinching ass if i am being lazy*

ohh yea..i woke up..then i found this poem at my dearest long lost friend's blog. can't u believe i shed tears reading it. like zai..WTH !! what is wrong with you nowadays. i guess i am getting softer deep inside each day.

so here you go,

The joy, pain, and sorrow of words

if you understand you know it hurts

your anticipation as the story begins

you sadness when it has reached the end

The glory of passion leather bound

mystery of intrigue written without sound

I crave you deeply in my soul

those people and memories I'll never let go

the bitter sweet I'll pour over again

to share late hours like a treasured friend

The best of you fill me with hope

when life drowns me you're my sane rope

always bringing me back to my dreams

the gallant knight of tales it seems

Then teasingly you puzzle my mind

hints of secrets and meaning in you I find

and there are times you painfully hurt

but you always let me stop before it gets worse

My freedom you've never threatened to steal

you guard my rights protect me still

the pen is mightier then the sword

only man holds power with a few words

Throughout history you've painted the scene

the growth of men through power and dream

for my imagination you are the tool

but if I think I rule you then I'm the fool.

..................................................................................................

baby..i am really sorry for everything..we've been having fight every day and night but yet here we are. i am sorry if i am being so rude and cruel to you at times. sorry if i am not being me lately. sorry that i push or shove you and make you're the one who was wrong and guilty between us. sorry for making you apologize to me over and over again. i am sorry for making you feel bad. even though we argue so much doesn't mean that we are trying to hate each other. but instead we are trying to make things more better than before. *if u know what i mean* thank you for being there for me from time to time. listening to all my crap and yet you are patient enough to handle it all. going through my ups and downs roller coaster times. wiping my tears from far and calming me down, telling me everything is going to be ok. everyday before i go to sleep, you knew i am afraid of tomorrow but u made me believe which is tomorrow is going to be just fine and there is a bright future lays ahead waiting for me. you are a great guy baby. you made me understand what is life. you change me from the good to a better person.

i hope and wish that i could make it up to you some day.

and did i tell you how much i love you ?? soon i will...

2009-03-03T10:45:00.000-08:00

i am just not ready to let you leave.

2009-03-03T09:00:00.000-08:00

if i were a month i would be:
June or January.

if i were a day of the week i would be:
Saturday.

if i were a time of day i would be:
5.45pm

if i were a planet i would be:
Venus.

if i were a sea animal i would be:
Dolphin.

if i were a direction i would be:
North.

if i were a piece of furniture i would be:
Rocking chair.

if i were a sin i would be:
Ehem..ehem..next question..

if i were an emotion i would be:
super duper hyper outgoing person =D

if i were a liquid i would be:
Water.

if i were a stone i would be:
Diamond ? does that count?

if i were a tree i would be:
Coniferous tree. hehe. don't ask me why.

if i were a bird i would be:
Those white nice looking bird. i don't know what it is called.

if i were a tool i would be:
yes yes hammer too !! haha we have the same taste mal.

if i were a flower/plant i would be:
same also. White rose.

if i were a kind of weather i would be:
Sunny weather please !!! =)

if i were a mythical creature i would be:
SKIP !! haaaa..no way i am answering that.

if i were a musical instrument i would be:
Drum or Piano.

if i were an animal i would be:
Dolphin.

if i were a color i would be:
white too !!

if i were an action i would be:
errrrrrrr..loving ? haha

if i were a vegetable i would be:
Long beans. yummy !!

if i were a sound i would be:
Sound of the wind or waves.

if i were an element i would be:
Oxygen.

if i were a car i would be:
Porsche too !!

if i were a song i would be:
I stay in love with you !!

if i were a movie i would be directed by:
errrr the rush hour director.

if i were a book, i would be written by:
mmmmmmm..

if i were an article of clothing i would be:
Skirt.

if i were a food i would be:
Dim Sum.

if i were a place i would be:
In his heart.

if i were a material i would be:
Handbags?

if i were a taste i would be:
Ohhh i know i am sweet..

if i were a scent i would be:
Peach..

if i were a word i would be:
Love.

if i were a body i would be:
An eye too baaa..

if i were a facial expression i would be:
=/ ( i am like this at the moment)

if i were a subject in school i would be:
Any science subject.

if i were a cartoon character i would be:
DeeDee

if i were a shape i would be:
Triangle.

if i were a number i would be:
9 or 11.

tag: dee, netty, wani, baby and zirah.

2009-03-02T11:44:00.000-08:00

i guess this would be the shortest and simplest update you'll ever get from me. YES I AM BEING LAZY. I DON'T CARE. i am mentally exhausted today. and please don't ask me why. i need some space.

Things that i did today.

woke up. shower.
walked to college.
had my first module 9 class (human factor).
walked home.
MSN. shower.
dinner.
homework.

now, i better be off to bed. i need to keep myself fresh for tomorrow's lesson. information will be squeeze in from time to time tomorrow.

sorry for this anyway. but at least i had the courage to update this so called blog.

enough said. i know i know i love you too.

2009-03-01T11:06:00.000-08:00

weekend ?? sure did i had a good time. On Friday wani, nins and her marvelous husband azam slept at our place. The girls were making that chocs-fall thing. addition with fruits. it was great. then later that night we watched this movie called flight of the living dead. if i am not mistaken. it was super cool. i had the chance to scream as much as i could. and it was super duper hell FUN.

Then the next day (Saturday).. i went to Dunkled. Ray and i cooked butter milk chicken and fry vege. cooking is FUN !! i just realized that actually. hehe sorry my bad. i know i know..i don't do all the cooking while i was in Brunei. so now i knew how it felt like to cook your own dishes and seeing people enjoying every moment of it. it felt great !! sooo Dunkled peeps, bila lagi ?? next weekend ?? hehe. we'll let Deekay do the cooking next time. kan kan ?? who agrees ?? haa.. that night, we watched 3 or 4 movies. HORROR movies !! Thai's movie really scare the hell out of me. like seriously. and as usual, we slept late.

lastly today, was just an easy day for me. i woke up then went home. did all the laundry, cleaning my room and there i was..off to Dunkled again. Because you know what ?? i am finally back at the park again !! watching the guys and Deekay played footie..took some snapshots using my hp..but i took loads and loads of pictures with amin's canon cam. gosh i love his canon. i wish i could own one one day. well what the heck.

here are some of the pictures taken from my hp.

i am really looking forward for next weekend. cooking, movies, laughter and more and more movie !! gosh my back hurts. i guess i am really tired today. so i think i better get myself to bed bed now. i will try to post something tomorrow IF i got something to share. i wish i do. but ain't gonna promise anything.

enough said. i love you too because i know you love me.

2009-02-28T15:41:00.000-08:00

whoooo boooo hooooo !! *running to hide* huhuhu..gosh..don't ask me why or what is wrong with my blog..i was so eager to make changes to my blog..like change the template, the mp3 list, re-link peoples..then u know what?? I ENDED UP LOSING EVERYTHING !! haaa haaa haaa..* covering my face with this cushion..i know..you will have that what-ever-thought in your mind..macam.."what on earth was she thinking" or or " naaahh telampau belabih" or or i don't know really. =( i know it sucks so much. i lost all my hundreds post. eyhhh what was i thinking. maybe i am jobless. maybe this is what certain jobless people do. WHY WHY WHY ?!?! zai !! what is wrong with you. see i can't stop blaming myself now !! gosh i am so so a really typical stupid girl. i should thought of it first before doing such a thing !! eyyhhh whatever zai. BIG LOSER sigh for you !!

however, on the other hand. this happened for a reason. i should learn from that reason. ohh still, i am mad at myself. Mal, sorry..u put so much hard work for my previous blog's template. i know i am such a bummer. sorry. pinch me on the ass if u want too. i deserve it.

well i guess, since i have a 'new blog' i called it..why don't i start a new diary too. wait, this blog do counts like a diary right? or whatever you want to called it. eyhhh zai..what are you babbling !! now i can't think straight.

i think i should stop before i get any further. like seriously.

and yeaa..before i end this, i miss you my other half !! i can't wait to see you. stay naughty. i love you baby !!

enough said. i know you love me because i love you too.