Life full with colours

Assalamulaikum..

i am not suppose to feel like this..i mean this feeling i am feeling right now..now bit by bit..my mind is taking over it..some people say, eyes are blind..so you have to see it from the heart..but what if the heart is torn apart? i guess that is the moment you become blind and think things you are not suppose to think..but what if the things that you are thinking is true..but you are the only one who don't know the fact that it is true..well i don't want it to be true..it hurts so much when it is true..i don't want the head to operate like a turbine engine..with all those compressors, rotating around which are driven by the shaft from the turbine and combustion chambers with its thing working its system with all the flames and air and producing that massive thrust and feels like blowing your head off !!!!!!!!!!

what am i saying !!??!! why tears are rolling down my cheeks and and and non-stop !!!! and why the hell am i blogging this ??!!!

why can't i just roll myself back and forward on my bed and jump around like a happy girl with pink cute flower-butterfly ribbon on her head with lollipop in her hand ?



i feel like crying again. goodnight people.



and yes..i am a trainee aircraft engineer..that is why i mentioned all those compressor and whatsoever combustion chamber !! and don't ask why i mentioned it..because i don't even know myself !!!


p/s: dear god. please show me signs.