i wish i can be just like the wind. can't be seen, touch but only feel. i wish for lots of things. sometimes at night, i had this fantasy going on in my head. fantasy like..everyone are happy..INCLUDING ME..no one will get hurt, no one will get to die in a painful way..just laughter.

day by day, nothing gets any clear in this world. wars are everywhere. shooting and bombing going on. does it feels good to see someone else is in pain? bleeding, crying and all. does it feels nice when seeing that person lost everything he/she has in life. does any human out there have a heart? is this the future?

i might not get what i want, but can't i at least be happy? happy as in, nothing is bothering me. i wonder if you really look in me like i am trying to look in you. i know no one is perfect. neither do i. but can't we at least try to be the best ? time goes on,i walked here and there just to find the missing part that i need to complete me. do i have to beg for it? do i have to cry for it ? do i have to give up my life to have it? tell me what is the least possible thing i can do to get it.

i thought feeling and going through all this pain will be over soon..but i guess it gets worse.. i cant even imagine how things will be tomorrow. take a look around you, do you like what you see? if you don't i can take it all away and throw it far as i could so there is nothing left between us but love. i am still here. waiting for you to come home. it is hard for me to let everything go after all we had been through. i can't walk out of your life, but there is nothing much that can make me stay too. where did all those things we had done before gone to? can't it find it way back?

now i am really scare. only god knows how scare i am right now. i am sorry if saying i need you makes u suffer everyday. i am sorry if needing you can't let you have your time with them. i am sorry if needing you can't make you happy. i am sorry for asking and waiting for your love from time to time. i am sorry for waiting for you to really look at me this time. i am sorry if i pushed you before and now. i am sorry if i fucked things up. i am sorry if i am not good enough. because i am fucked up already. i am sorry can't be the person you want me to be.



in pain.

" Take me away to January I'm done with this year, I'm tired of everyone here I just need some time alone Before I'm ready to come back home There's gotta be something else out there for me I could feel it in my heart the day I started to dream There's more than this Midwestern town I can't let this place keep me down "

Tears of separation
a loss and total disconnection...

Tears of joy
elation and great happiness...

Tears of emotion
pride or sincere personal feelings...

Tears of pain
physical or sometimes worse, mental...

Tears of anger
being mad enough to kill, knowing better...

Tears of fear
uncertain and terrified of the unknown...

Tears of sadness
downcast and so very much alone...

Tears of regret
having said or done something to hurt...

Tears of depression
rejection and recrimination abound...

Tears of frustration
an inability to achieve the unattainable...

Tears of passion
only with intense love from another...

Now....
I just need to figure out why I cry these Tears...

i love you no matter what happens.

Dear God, please give me love or let me be love.

i am finally happy. well, i was happy before..but this one is different happy mode. baby was there for me every time i wake up now this past two days. *hint hint, i hope tomorrow too* i finally found my old baby back. yess HE IS BACK !! BACK BABY, BACK !!!

this week it is college week. like OO MMM GEEEE !! i hate walking up the hill. its been months i don't walk at the Perth college's hill. Buusssiiittt ~~~ and and..it is a sleepy week. too much information to get in the head. there is no limit or space for tomorrow i guess. seriously..its killing me..macam, mod 15 exam inda lagi batah zai..bila tah ko kan belajar...~~~~

other than that. today is the happiest day of the month. guess what? i got a surprised from my baby boo...yupp yuppp... *nodding my head*

its my ANNIVERSARY PRESENT !!!!

baby is the awesome boyfriend ever. he knows what kind of flower i love. which i never told him before ever in my life..most of all..he knows how to love me. ohh baby, i love you so so so so much !! you are the best gift i ever had in life..being with you is just THE BOOM !! you took away my darkness life, and bright it with colours. for that, i thank you. there is nothing or words to describe how much i really love you. i love you of who you are. i love your heart. let my heart love you more and more. i am sure i will never get bored of it. 8 months has past by, and i never get bored of it even for an inch. you are my world, you are my life. you are my everything. i am sure there are loads of happiness awaits for us in the future. and i am sure same goes to other people out there. have a wonderful time loving your partner. take as much time as you like. because i am having a great time loving a guy name Max.


happy monthsary baby.
you know i love you.
but do you know how much?
xoxoxo

once upon a time, Perth Scotland has been hit by deadly news. Three species of animal has invaded Perth and to kill all the human in Perth..so god..please bless us all..








LOL..yes i am bored. i just got back from the city. actually the purpose of me going out were to check the no. 14 and 15 bus time table..AND went for skirts hunting. guess what ? i think Perth has ran out of skirts. meaning i arrived home with none amount of skirt. *moody* more to that..I FORGOT TO CHECK THE BUS TIME TABLE !!! ARRRRGGGGGHHHH !! seriously there is something wrong with my head nowadays. like this morning, when i had my shower..i rubbed my face soap onto my tooth brush..inda selahau mana tu..cuba tahh..

but the best part was..i had a really wonderful dinner with the guys in glasgow. there were lots of seafood..which is my top list of all time..and the rest were just normal chicken, beef and etc..the dessert were really WOW. i will bring boyfriend to the restaurant when he comes here. while waiting for the our reservation at 7.30 we walked along the streets of the city..now i feel glasgow is the best place for saturday night..too bad there wasn't any picture taken last night. i guess we were enjoying our time gossiping. HAHAHA.

after this i need to switch on my study mode..i HAVE too. i can't pamper myself alot. or else..i will turn into someone who i will regret for the rest of my life.
baby just woke up btw..ohhhh baby is having this football tournament..yup..he is my best player in the world..good luck later with ur final match baby !!! score for me..* i know you will *


anyway..i better get going..HAHAHA bukan apa..i don't have anything to share anymore at the moment..LOL..

love ya'll..
xoxo


i love you most baby.
4 more days and 17 more days.
i simply can't wait.

why do i feel something is not right. something is kinda missing. or should i say something ain't normal like before. i don't know if it is me or...i feel like crying but i don't wanna cry anymore. i am just too tired and sick of it. i might just scream right now, but i don't want the people upstairs and downstairs thinking that i have mental problem. maybe i do right now. or maybe my heart is just ain't calm. all i know..things had change since 09/09/09. i wonder why..should i find the answer? act normal ? or ignore it like nothing is going on wrong? bahhh jawap.


but other than that,




i hope things will be back to normal sooner or later.


anyway, how was my day? SIMPLY BORING.
did fuel system test.
went through it.
went home.

here i am..sitting infront of my laptop..baby is not around to welcome me home. sucks. he is busy with the brother punya wedding thing going on today. how i wish he can welcome me home by calling me. :( but naaaaaa i understand how this wedding busy thing going on. kan kan kan ?

i made mash potatoe. but for the first time ever. it is so not nyaman. i think i bought the wrong potatoes. buduh eyhhh. why am i so kusut right now. i wanna have my shower..but my ass is telling to me stay on this chair and stare on this laptop. browsing throung facebook, ebay, blogs, tv3 webiste and all..

and yeaaa parut ku mikin labu. damn


ohh well, revision night for me.
later then.
love you all.

baby i miss you loads !! :(

just let me be...

.
.
.
.
.


but all i know..

hope you feel it over there my half.

if i am not wrong, would i be right ? but if i am right, would i be wrong ?
i can't say more. i tried my best, but i ain't giving up yet.
i won't try it again now, maybe sooner or maybe later or maybe just maybe.
letting the heart to heal up, and one day..only scars will remain.
tears ? it's my hobby now.
laughter ? only when i am around with the guys and the moment with boyfriend.
hoping ? every single day wishing it to change. even if i die, the hope will remains hoping until it changes.
strength ? there is a limit.
study ? i am somewhere in the middle.
sadness ? is tears best friend.
joy and happiness ? is what i've been waiting for.

current mode ? sad and studying.

p/s : i just had the mood to update again. soooo suuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh

lazy ramadhan. its getting really cold day by day now. all i can think of is BED BED BED BED..aaaaa..i just wish..anyhow..i was kinda jobless for 2 days..got work done pretty quickly..so why not play around with my toy..














































i am sorry i don't have the mood to say more today. i am tired. maybe i laughed too much today with the guys.

goodnight then people.

i miss you baby.