Life full with colours

i wish i can be just like the wind. can't be seen, touch but only feel. i wish for lots of things. sometimes at night, i had this fantasy going on in my head. fantasy like..everyone are happy..INCLUDING ME..no one will get hurt, no one will get to die in a painful way..just laughter.

day by day, nothing gets any clear in this world. wars are everywhere. shooting and bombing going on. does it feels good to see someone else is in pain? bleeding, crying and all. does it feels nice when seeing that person lost everything he/she has in life. does any human out there have a heart? is this the future?

i might not get what i want, but can't i at least be happy? happy as in, nothing is bothering me. i wonder if you really look in me like i am trying to look in you. i know no one is perfect. neither do i. but can't we at least try to be the best ? time goes on,i walked here and there just to find the missing part that i need to complete me. do i have to beg for it? do i have to cry for it ? do i have to give up my life to have it? tell me what is the least possible thing i can do to get it.

i thought feeling and going through all this pain will be over soon..but i guess it gets worse.. i cant even imagine how things will be tomorrow. take a look around you, do you like what you see? if you don't i can take it all away and throw it far as i could so there is nothing left between us but love. i am still here. waiting for you to come home. it is hard for me to let everything go after all we had been through. i can't walk out of your life, but there is nothing much that can make me stay too. where did all those things we had done before gone to? can't it find it way back?

now i am really scare. only god knows how scare i am right now. i am sorry if saying i need you makes u suffer everyday. i am sorry if needing you can't let you have your time with them. i am sorry if needing you can't make you happy. i am sorry for asking and waiting for your love from time to time. i am sorry for waiting for you to really look at me this time. i am sorry if i pushed you before and now. i am sorry if i fucked things up. i am sorry if i am not good enough. because i am fucked up already. i am sorry can't be the person you want me to be.



in pain.